If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
