I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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