Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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