yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
