There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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