haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
