That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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