This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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