Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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