hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Send help, water and tortillas.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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