I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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