dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
