i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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