he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
