i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When are your genitals available?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
