our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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