I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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