and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
