Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
