i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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