What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
