Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So many bounce houses so little time
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
