Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Never underestimate the power of titties
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
