your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
