I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
