Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
