I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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