My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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