Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
