just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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