I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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