yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
