I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
