I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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