sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
