Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
