I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
