I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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