Yo dont text me then not text me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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