I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
