meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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