I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
