I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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