Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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