it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
