Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Still dying that you shit outside
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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