Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
