I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
