i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
