hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
