The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
