How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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