wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
