ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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