It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
